Addicted
by Sailor Aurora Helios
Summary: Sequel to 'Cry'. It's been five years and Duo happens to find a small article in the newspaper about Heero. He soon finds himself calling up Heero only to get the answering machine.


Addicted

By: Sailor Aurora Helios

_I heard you're doing okay _

          I raised an eyebrow as I skimmed over an article in the newspaper. I couldn't help the hollow laugh that escaped from me. A hollow, self-mocking laugh. 

          "You little brat, why can't you just go and shoot me?" I muttered and folded the newspaper and set it aside. I removed the cigarette from my mouth and set it in an ash tray. 

          "Heero Yuy engaged to Vice Foreign Minister Darlain. Quatre was a smart boy for going back to Trowa. How long has it been?" I murmured looking towards the calendar on my wall. The date was July the twelfth.  Exactly five years ago Heero Yuy broke my heart into a thousand pieces (A couple days later I had found out Heero was with Quatre). Heero and Quatre had been together for two years before Quatre broke off the relationship to return to Trowa. Apparently sometime during the last three years Heero had gotten together with the lovely Relena Peacecraft.

  
_But I want you to know  
I'm addic-  
I'm addicted to you_

          I reached over and grabbed the phone, they'd cut it off soon since I still hadn't paid the bill not like I needed a phone. I hummed as I dialed a phone number long etched into my mind. I doubted that anyone would answer. I paused as I got an answering machine; I blinked several times as there was a soft beep.

          "When the hell did you get an answering machine?" I murmured, not caring that the comment was recorded.

          "…Heero? Uhm… Damn… I, uh, shit… I'm being recorded. Never was good on the phone, ne?" I said a nervous laugh escaping me. "Yeah… I was… uhm… just… er… calling to… yeah… see how you were… ah… doing? Shit, you probably don't even know who this is, do you? Or maybe you do… Maybe you're standing next to the machine right now, listening to my voice, instantly seeing my face. You're standing there regretting breaking my heart and you want to pick up the receiver and apologize so badly and make everything alright again, but you're afraid I've moved on and…. What the HELL have I been smoking? You're probably standing there with Relena talking about me, or even worse this machine just happens to be in your room and you're in the middle of fucking Relena when I called. Ha, I'm so sorry to have ruined your special time together. Do you enjoy fucking her? Whatever. Fuck it, forget I even called." I rolled my eyes and hung up the phone again. I sighed and curled up on the couch. I closed my eyes tight and hugged my knees to my chest.

  
_I can't pretend I don't care  
When you don't think about me  
Do you think I deserve this?_

"Fucking god… damnit…" I murmured as I cried softly. I wiped angrily at the tears and tried to calm down. I thought Heero with Quatre was hard enough to handle, but Heero with the bitch Relena? I sat there crying for almost fifteen minutes before I reached over and picked up the phone again.

"Yo, Heero, I'm sorry about the last message. I didn't mean that. Fuck, I wish I could just like delete that. Really, I-I'm happy for you. I mean… yeah. I'm sorry… I just sort of snapped. Yeah… I…" I paused to take a shuddering gasp of air and wiped at my eyes. I cursed myself, hoping that you couldn't tell I was crying in the recording. "Yeah so, how have you been? It's been exactly five years you know that? I haven't heard from you or seen you since I ran from Quatre's.  You never thought about me after that did you? Just went on to live your happy little life, ne? Didn't you ever wonder about me, if I was still alive, if I had found someone else?"  
  
_I tried to make you happy but you left anyway_

"Heero…?" I said softly. I wonder if my voice sounded as weak, hurt, insecure and pathetic as I actually was.

"What happened to us? I've thought about this long and hard over the last five years, spending endless hours trying to figure out the whys. You never did give me a decent reason why, Heero. You just gave me this bull shit, that's what made it so much harder, Heero. Can't you understand that? All I ever did was try my damnedest to make you happy, because…"  
  
_I'm trying to forget that  
I'm addicted to you_

"Because… I loved you." My voice had dropped to a broken whisper as I lapsed into silence. I sat there in silence for a couple minutes, thinking back over the times in the past, over what Heero had said when he had broken up with me. There was a soft beep as the machine cut off my message.

  
_But I want it and I need it   
I'm addicted to you_

My hand dropped to my side as I stared absently into space. The soft tone the phone made as it was left off the hook was the only sound in the room. I closed my eyes and sighed sadly.

"And I still do."

  
_Now it's over  
Can't forget what you said  
And I never wanna do this again  
Heartbreaker_

_Heartbreaker_

I lay down on the couch and clicked off the portable phone. I lay there in silence for a long moment, tears trying to escape as those words repeated in my mind. How I still remember what he said word for word is a mystery to me.

"I'll never move on, Heero, never. I don't want to be hurt again."  
  
_Since the day I met you   
And after all we've been through  
I'm still addic-  
I'm addicted to you  
I think you know that it's true  
I'd run a thousand miles to get you  
Do you think I deserve this?_

Again I picked up the phone and dialed. I don't know why I kept calling. I was just venting I guess. Maybe it was something I needed to do, something I had refused to do up until now.

"Yeah, it's me again." I said as the machine again picked up. I sighed softly before speaking again.

"You're probably getting annoyed aren't you? I mean you're starting to wonder how many messages I'm gonna leave… I don't know how many… Guess you can say I'm venting. Do you remember when we first met? We were at that port and you were about to shoot Relena. I ended up shooting at you instead. I wonder sometimes, especially now that you're _engaged to her, what life would be like if I had let you shoot her. I wonder how different things would be. I know this sounds selfish but I wonder if… we wouldn't have broken up… Did you ever love me? Or did we just have meaningless sex? Oh, hurt a nerve there didn't I? Even you have to admit Heero, that was amazing, great sex, wonderful sex.  
  
_I tried to make you happy  
I did all that I could  
Just to keep you  
But you left anyway__

"Please, Heero, even you can't deny it. There was something special there. Don't dare try and fucking deny it! There was SOMETHING there, I know you had to have felt it… no way you couldn't have. That's what gave me hope that we could be together forever. All I ever thought about was making you happy. I devoted myself entirely to you, fearing that you'd leave… and you did.

_I'm trying to forget that  
I'm addicted to you  
But I want it and I need it   
I'm addicted to you  
Now it's over  
Can't forget what you said  
And I never wanna do this again  
Heartbreaker_

_Heartbreaker_

"I loved you, Heero. I still love you." I said softly and sighed. "I don't know if I can keep living without you…  
  
_How long will I be waiting?  
Until the end of time  
I don't know why I'm still waiting  
I can't make you mine  
  
_

_I'm trying to forget that  
I'm addicted to you  
But I want it and I need it   
I'm addicted to you_

          "I've always loved you. I can't stop loving you. I'll love you forever and just sit and wait. I'll wait for you Heero. Sounds stupid doesn't it? I know you'll never love me back. The joys of unrequited loved, ne? I don't know if I'll ever stop loving you, I probably won't. I don't think I'll ever move on…" I sighed softly and was silent for a moment.  
  


_I'm trying to forget that  
I'm addicted to you  
But I want it and I need it   
I'm addicted to you  
Now it's over  
Can't forget what you said  
And I never wanna do this again  
Heartbreaker_

_Heartbreaker_

          "Look… I better go… I won't cal—"

          "I'm sorry." I nearly jumped out of my skin and stared at the phone wide eyed. When I finally calmed down I returned the phone to me ear.

          "Hee-Heero!?" I gasped, not believing he picked up. "You've been sitting there listening to this the whole damn time haven't you!?"

          "Only the end of your second call and then this one." He said simply, a nonchalant tone in his voice. Why had he picked up? Did he… Was it possible he…

          "I'm sorry, Duo. I didn't know." Heero said. I stared at the phone looking confused.

          "Didn't know!? I only made it obvious Heero! EVERY body saw it! They all KNEW I had fallen head over heels in love with you!" I sighed softly and closed my eyes. Maybe he was going to admit he loved me too and everything would be alright! My heart skipped a beat at the thought, why else would he have picked up. My mind was racing so fast, I hadn't heard Heero's next words.

          "…Duo?"

          "Huh?"

          "Are you ok?"

          "Yeah, why?"

          "Did you hear a word I just said?" Heero sighed.

          "Uhm… Not really… I got distracted…"

          "I'm sorry, Duo. I'm sure you'll move on. I'm not that great." I stared at the phone for a long moment. A silence befell both of us. I swallowed over the lump that had grown in my throat and spoke weakly.

          "You don't love me, do you?"

          "…Duo, I'm sorry…"

          "No. Forget it. I'm fine."

          "Are you sure?"

          "Yeah. I gotta run, it was nice talking to you Heero. Congratulations, Heero. Go… Go marry… her…" I hung up before I could hear the Japanese boys response. I broke down in tears as the phone fell to the floor. I had allowed Heero to again tear my heart into pieces. It really was over this time, there was no chance for us. I don't know if I could ever move on… I'll only end up getting hurt again. I stood shakily and stumbled towards the door.

          "Fuck it all…" I muttered as I removed a pack of cigarettes from my pocket and quickly lit one. I stumbled out of the house and headed towards the bar. I needed a drink. Damn it all to Hell.

  
_I'm addicted to you_

_Heartbreaker_

_I'm addicted to you_

_Heartbreaker_

_I'm addicted to you_

_Heartbreaker_

_I'm addicted to you_

_Heartbreaker_


End file.
